"May your god look down upon your narrowing life and bless you, for after this moment, you will be no more than a rotting corpse hanging from the top of your temple for all to witness the beginning of a glorious purge."

— Shiva Vayne, before shooting a Jedi in the head

Shiva's ChildhoodEdit

Shiva was not always a troubled cause. At one time, she was actually very innocent. From an early age, she was nothing more than a curious Nabooian child, one who would soon learn the realities of life. The journal entries below were discovered upon Shiva's rise as the Death Watch Overlord, and sold as historical literature.

Shiva's journal entries: (WIP)Edit

[Entry one: Today has been a depressing day. One that i will never forget. My father died from his work. I'm really not sure why, but i know life from now on will be hard. Mother seems to be hurt, and tried to hide it but it's obvious in my eyes.. she just doesn't seem right. Bantov.. my little brother has yet ot learn of the news, and i'm not sure how to tell him. How dos anyone tell their younger sibling that their father died? I mean fuck i'm still getting over it myself. I will admit i may have took it easier than i should have. Most children would deny it, and cry. I just stood there and gave a nod as i remained silent. No tear fell down my cheek. No emotion i gave. I was mostly shocked, but in the same sense i saw it coming. After all he was a smuggler, and working with criminals in the shitty side of Theed is never the best idea but credits are credits.  Anyway i will log off for the night, and inform my brother. Good night journal.]

[Entry two: //ERROR//]

[Entry three: Hello again friend. It's been some time since we had a talk. Well, i must admit life did get harder after the death of father. Bantov did what i thought he would do, cry. At first he couldn't believe it, but i was there to comfort him. Mother took up salvaging droids, and other devices for credits. I think i will give a hand at it, i mean we do need the credits in all. I feel like i should protect the family we have left. Like i am the new man of the house.. even if i am but a girl. But sometimes you have to set your childhood aside and make sure your family has food on the table. I think i will also teach Bantov in my spare time about slicing. I mean i'm just a novice at it, but in time i'm sure we can become masters of the skill after all practice makes perfect. Thanks for listening once more friend.] 

[Entry four: Hello again my friend. Today is a new day, and full of opportunities. Today we have a client set up to buy  a few droids from us. The credits should be enough to add to what we saved to pay for a ticket to see our uncle on Dxun. Bantov has yet to be told, but mother and i talked. Theed is a bad place to be around the criminals in the slums. My uncle is a mandalorian mechanic and owns a garage there in a small settlement. A place for work, and a home. HE works on speeders, and ships that needs repair. Sometimes he even builds them if he has the parts, but one thing for sure he has a steady business. I'm sure Bantov will have fun he seems to be enjoying working on droids, so maybe speeders and ships will be more of a challenge for him as he seems to like challenges. Anyway i am out, and thanks for listening again.]

[Entry five:  Today we boarded the ship on the course for Dxun. I can't wait to get there, and meet my uncle.. i just wish our father was still around to see his brother again. Bantov seems to be excited, so that brings a smile to my face. For once i actually feel good, and in control. For once i feel like i can be happy and that we have a future. Maybe we can survive.. The ship seems old but it will get us where we want to go, or that's what the captain said. Anyway we have to get settled in our rooms it will be a couple day trip, so i'll talk to you again once things are settled. Good night.]

[Entry six: Today i feel alone, sad, and like a monster. Our ship was raided by pirates. They thought we were carrying some artifact.. i overheard them talk to the captain when i was sneaking around after hearing a few blaster shots. Turns out they hit the wrong ship, but they thought the could turn this ship into profit anyway. Most the guards i ran past that were the security for the vessel seemed dead. I looked over the bodies appeared lifeless it wasn't the first time i seen a dead body though, so i remained clam. As i looked over the guard i took his blaster it was a small arm.. i think it was a DC model i'm not great with guns, but it was a pistol. I also found two thermal detonators. I knew i had to protect my family, so after i took the weapons i rushed back to our room. On the way back i was spotted by a pirate. He didn't draw his weapon on me, but only gave a dirty grin. Looking me over he knelled down to my level. I was short for my age, and this man was pretty tall. The stench of rum, and corpses came from him like shit from a bantha farm. I remember ever word he told me. "Heh heh heh. Look what ye have here. A girl, and by the looks of it she has a blaster and some dets. How cute." i stayed silent and looked to the floor by this time. "Aww, you don't talk? Wampa got your tongue? All well you look like you would catch a few credits from a hutt. Come with me girl." i then looked up to him with a glare. I knew if i went with him what would happen, but what of my family? So i played along, and started to follow him. He seemed to never mind my blaster. I can only assume that he didn't find me threatening. So as he turned around i drew on him without hesitation and fired a single bolt to the back of the man's skull. He only fell over with a loud thud, and nothing more. It was the first man i have ever killed.. i felt like a monster, but it's alright, right? I mean.. it was for my family.. i had to. I stared at the body for a long moment without an emotion that could be shown through my face. After that i dashed for my families' quarters and met up with Bantov and my mother. They were alright and i was grateful. I didn't tell them about the pirate i shot, or the bodies i saw on the way there and back, but what i did tell them is what i over heard. We stayed in our quarters for a few hours, but then we heard more people bored the ship, but who were they? Well turns out the captain sent out a distress signal, and there was a republic ship near by. They shot and killed the pirates who shown resistance, and in prisoned the ones who surrendered. After this day on the ship i know that my life won't be the same. I killed a person, and i feel disgusted with myself.. please tell me friend what do i do?]

[Entry seven: We reached Dxun, and it seems nice, i like it. It's a lot different from Naboo though. In a way i miss the slums, and the run down buildings. But this is nice.. much more quiet. We reached out uncle's shop and he acts just like father.. not to mention he resembles him in his facial features. I didn't say much to him despite him wanting to get to know me and Bantov. I just took my bags to my room, and unpacked. As i did i came across the pistol i took off that dead body and only stared at it for a long while. I was frozen remembering the incident upon the ship, until there was a knock at the door. I shook my head violently and then tucked the pistol back into the bag. I then answered the door to see my uncle. "Su'cuy." he said. A word i didn't know what so ever. Hell it was the first time i heard it, or at least recall hearing it for the first time. He later explained it was mando'a for hello.  He then talked to me about the shop, and my interests. I told him i want to be a slicer, but i worked on droids in the past and data pads. He only smiled and then gave a nod. "Well i am sure we can work on that, and you will make some credits in the long run." he then left my room, and all i could do is lay back on my bed and write this. For once i feel calm, but at the same time i feel like i am this horrible creature and murderer. I need help..]

[Entry eight: //ERROR//]

[Entry nine: //ERROR//]

[Entry ten: Uncle took me out to the garage today to teach me about my pistol. I was never the only time i ever used it was when i killed that man.. He set up bottles on the far end of the garage, and told me to shoot. So i took aim with both hands upon the grip on that pistol and pulled the trigger after i took aim for the first bottle, but i missed. I honestly felt like a bad shot, and that i would never be cut out for it. So then my uncle walked over as he then took my hands as they were wrapped around the grip and aimed at the next bottle. "Alright, this time Shiva take a deep breath. Think about your target, and line it up down the sights. As for the trigger place one finger over it, and rather squeeze do not pull." So, i did and sure enough i hit the rest of the targets. I felt so proud of myself, and so did he. He ruffled my hair, and gave a smile. "Good job Shiva'ika. With practice you will be a marksmen." it honestly made me smile. For once i didn't feel like a murderer until he spoke up. "Don't worry about that man you killed. It was necessary.  You will learn over time." I then hung my head as i started at the ground. After that I came back to my room and sobbed.]

[Entry eleven: //ERROR//]

[Entry twelve: Hello again. You seem to be the only one who i can really talk to anymore, all well. Anyway today was a fun day at least. Today i worked on a speeder. My uncle had me work on the wiring while Bantov worked on the parts itself. It was hard honestly.. something i never done before, but after a few hours i got the hang of it and got the job done. Bantov took his time, but at the same time wanted to rush into. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Either way he got the job done also. At the end of the day uncle gave us both that speeder as a reward for working on it. I was so happy, and so was Bantov. I let Bantov ride it first since he seemed so excited about it, as he took that for a spin around the town i went back to the bottles to take practice on my aiming. After about an hour or so Bantov came back with the speeder, and told me to take it for a ride. I then holstered my pistol to my side and got on the speeder. It was honestly the first time i even been on one. As i looked over all the buttons and the consul Bantov walked over to point out what to press, and told me how to drive it. I made it out of the garage alright, but i then sped through town as fast as the machine could go. I felt alive, and it felt so fun. The wind hitting my face. The sights, and it felt so adventurous. I then soon wandered out of town.. perhaps a bit farther than i should and got lost. I almost wanted to cry as i looked around. The terrain seemed all the same to me, and i was having to much fun rather to paying attention where i was going. I sat on the speeder for about ten minuted and then turned it around. I thought if i just went the opposite way i was going i would get back to town. Well i was wrong and ended up finding myself at a cave. By this time it was night, and i was scared. I stayed in that cave overnight as i watched the entrance. I kept guard with my pistol at my side to be sure nothing startled me, but little did i know the threat was right behind me. I heard a faint growl so i turned  around. At first i didn't see the creature, but it got closer until i could see it. Later i found out it was a Maalraas. I was scared so i pulled my blaster and took aim for it's head. I thought for a moment and took the tricks that uncle taught me into play. First i placed both hands upon the grip, and held it tightly. Next i aimed down the sights, and squeezed. I did this all in a single movement.. almost like i knew what i was doing.  After a couple shots the creature layed there dead much like the pirate from the ship and the many guards that were dead. At first i was proud for protecting myself, but i then grew depressed as i walked down a bit farther down to cave to find a nest. It had several younglings. I had no clue what to do so i ran. I got back on my speeder and traveled. By morning i entered the town from where i came with tears running down my face. Once i got home my uncle was waiting in the garage. He asked me where i was, and if i was okay. I didn't say a word and simply tried to hide my face as i went directly to my room and locked the door.]

[Entry thirteen: Today i woke up and simply layed in bed. I felt like a monster again. The younglings i  left back there would probably starve because of me.. But soon i heard a knock on my door. Upon opening the door it was my mother. She was worried about me, and so was i. I explained what was wrong and held her tight as tears ran down my face. All my mother did was brush my hair with her hand and told me everything was going to be alright., and for once it did. Not long after that i was told i had to work on some sensor modules. So i sucked it up and went to the garage to work on them. Bantov was out there working on a project of him own. I didn't ask what he was doing as he always had some sort of idea running in his mind to build or work on. After a few hours of work my uncle came out to talk to me. At first i listened as i worked, but soon after i just placed down my tools. "I know you been through some osik Shiva'ika. But, i am here to talk you know that right? You're blood, family. I would do anything for you." I looked down at the floor as he spoke. "Shiva'ika.. listen you need to learn how to defend yourself, but at the same time you have to learn that no matter what you will do in life someone will get hurt. It was either you or that creature out there.. It was either you or that pirate on that ship.. You did an amazing job, so i want to offer you something.. I want to teach you the ways of mand'a. I want to show you what a mandalorian is, and teach you our heritage and culture." I looked up to him with a tilt of my head at first, but slowly gave a nod.  :Good, good. You will start training in the morning. You will do great hun.. for now just rest. you will  need it." I then gave a smile to walk back to my quarters where i then looked over my pistol with a slow nod. I thought maybe i can do it. Maybe it was a good thing i did what i did, but in truth i still felt like a monster.]